We also set up rules for ourselves that would keep us from getting into situations that would give us means and opportunity (because the motive – temptation – is there).Everyone’s different, so details of this are micromanagement, but I think every couple that is dating exclusively (especially Christian couples) should have a sex talk, and share what their insights are as far as setting up fences long before the cliff as not to tip toe until over the edge.Long before I met my boyfriend, I went to counseling for years (because of the abuse) and now am a mental health professional.Yet, I know from my professional background that in spite of all my healing, there are just some changes in my brain and my chemistry from childhood that just make me a more sexual person than I otherwise would have been.Our temptation is to use sex to get more love (remember how much we women romanticize) from a man and validate the love we are already feeling from him.
When a Christian single girl learns over time to trust a man that is willing to work with her for the sake of putting Christ first in the relationship (e.g., above sexual feelings and impulses), she is much more free to experience herself and her man as who they fully are, relaxing and knowing that he does not intend to pressure her into sex, either directly or just by exploring her with his hands in ways that tempt her.
For Christian single women, when we deeply connect with a man on other levels (emotional, intellectual, spiritual) we feel a strong need (our own yearning) and obligation (to please) to reciprocate, sexually.
This is because emotional and intellectual connection are generally more of what turn women on.
As a woman who was sexually abused in her own home at a very young age, I have struggled a lot with sexual impurity and guilt that my mind fantasizes about my current Christian boyfriend.
I was tired of the guilt and just spoke to my boyfriend about my sexual feelings fantasies and he told me he has similar fantasies.
We prayed together that God would help us remain in control of ourselves and our sexual urges because we want to save sex for marriage.